Admittedly I take it for granted that I have close friends in my life that I can and do call on anytime. Joyous, ecstatic moments are shared alongside immensely sad, trying times (as well as everything in between).
Honestly I can’t imagine my life without them!
So when I had an email recently I was really surprised and moved. They asked my advice about how EFT could help them “get more friends”. This question and my response is what this post will be centered around today.
Firstly I’d say that you cannot “get” more friends.
Yes I’m pedantic with words, because words are so incredibly powerful. Whenever I see or hear the word “get” I immediately substitute it for the word “give”.
In this instance the re-framing of this question could be “What can I give to enjoy connecting more with others?”
My answer… if you share and give of yourself exactly as you are, without putting on any false pretenses this is a good place to start. It is hard for others to connect with the real you if you are pretending to be someone you are not.
If you suspect you may be lacking in connection with yourself and others, please use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to tap on these setup phrases…
- “Even though I don’t know how to relate to others and I feel desperately alone and lonely, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I now choose to focus on the inner, deeper issues that lie within myself.”
- “Even though I feel left out and disconnected from my own life and I am sick of feeling this way, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I now choose to consciously heal and allow myself to reconnect with who I really am.”
- “Even though there is something wrong with me as everybody I know has friends except me and I feel a social outcast, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I now choose to focus on healing myself instead of judging the lives of others.”
If you are lacking connection with yourself, it is impossible to connect and establish deep friendships with others. If you are denying who you are or feel ashamed and apologetic, then it will be very difficult for you to relate authentically with others.
If you feel socially awkward, uneasy and uncomfortable it may not be easy for you to strike up friendships with others.
Take heart. Good things take time. Not everyone who I am friends with today came from a “love and first sight” meeting. Familiarity over time is what it took in some cases.
Some people take warming up and allowing their guard to drop does take time. It is worth persevering though as as there are some fabulous friends out there waiting to be discovered.
Largely speaking your friends reflect you. It is natural for your own evolution to outgrow certain people. There isn’t any point clinging to someone just because they are familiar and you know them inside out. If they aren’t contributing any joy to your life, then it may be time to cut loose.
(Yes this may sound harsh. But life isn’t about being nice and having everyone like you. Life is about living truthfully.)
Who was the last friend you made? If you don’t regularly expand who you connect with, you are handicapping yourself and missing out on sharing the lives of some fantastic people.
Go out of your way to get to know people you wouldn’t normally have as your friend. Sticking to one “type” of friend can be limiting.
Friendships need maintaining. They require time and effort and your full attention. Sometimes life can get frantic and its easy for time to slip by. Make sure you prioritize and “schedule” your friends.
They are very, very important! And they need you as much as you need them.
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